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Contrary to what you may be thinking, I did not fall into the ocean on my way home from China. I landed safely on American soil, and really have not stopped running since. It’s amazing to me how quickly I fell into the pace of stateside life again, the days seemingly filled with nothing, yet blurring past you like you are driving 80 miles an hour down a country road (which I never do…)
I have been in the states for a month now (which I cannot believe), and these weeks have been such a blessing. I made it back to the South, where my kindred, spirited college friends and I blended into our old rhythm, trying to ignore that time was limited and I would be getting on a plane again. I’ve had time with my family, spent mornings walking on the beach, and read, read, read… after a horrifying downward spiral into the ridiculous addiction that is the “Twighlight” series; I have resurfaced to literally gulp down “The Ragamuffin G-sp-l”. After stealing it (yes, stealing a J-s-s book) from a friend’s bookshelf, I have found such peace in the words spoken (read) at the perfect time, when my mind is still reeling from the two worlds that I find myself living in.
“Each moment of our existence, we are either growing into more, or retreating into less” – The Ragamuffin G-sp-l
A few people asked me, “What was the biggest lesson you learned in China?” I have responded with what I felt was my biggest revelation – the revelation that I almost felt ridiculous coming to as I sat in my apartment, 4 weeks into my time in China. After having a talk with a student that flowed in and out of fruitfulness, it suddenly hit me, “What am I doing here that I shouldn’t be doing every single day of my life as a child in HIS kingdom?” It took traveling thousands of miles around the world, to remember that HE is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow – 4,000 years ago, and next week, HE will still be working for the redemption of HIS people, and will still be longing for me to be at his side, wherever I am.
But it’s harder for me here (in the states, that is) than it should be. To be even more frank, it seems likes it harder in the comfortable places than the uncomfortable ones. Why can’t I make my hands, feet and mouth do what my spirit longs to? Enter Object Lesson #1.
Five days after I returned to the states, I pulled up to a little Espresso stand by the side of the highway in town. My friend and I were in the car, talking about denominations, and various dissatisfactions with the way ch-rch-s seemed to display their priorities, a promising topic for a pick-me-up. At that time, reverse culture shock was rolling and I was seeping myself in negativity, even the undertones of my praise were wallowing. And as if the timing could not be more perfect (of course it couldn’t, that’s how HE works), the window slid open, a little old woman leaned out of it and suprised me. There was no discussion of talls or shorts, doubles or singles, 2% or non-fat. The first question that rolled off her tongue was of a different aroma, “Do you girls know J-s-s?”
Awesome G-d, YOU are awesome. It was just the reminder I needed, to see her in her simple act of service and love, naturally oozing with the love of Chr-st and the desire to make Your truth known. That is supposed to be me! How beloved am I that You give me gentle reminders, even in the kind face of a barista, that my heart is to overflow with the message. So constant failures, each day that I let opportunities pass, they will get fewer and farther between…I’ll be that lady in the Beans A Brewin' someday Abba, thank you for your patience with me while I try to get there.
