Birthday Musings

Its way too early on a Saturday morning, still dark and quiet on campus, but the childlike excitement of a day that holds birthday possibilities stirred me from my sleep. As I lay in bed, my mind is turning over a list that I stole from a dear adventurer's blog...a test if you will...taken on the eve of my 24th year to analyze just how full my life has been (according to some people).

True to form, a list of my creating would look a little different: completing a triathlon in lieu of a marathon...climbing a great mountain, like Fuji, instead of just a mountain...traveling to a more exotic location like the Galapagos islands over New York City. The list I dream includes skydiving, but not bungee jumping, writing a book about my mother or the sexuality of a Christian woman, and living in a picturesque town in New England where everyone knows your name and your business and where your children think they are miserable. But I'll bow to their list for the moment, if not for the incredible realization that at 24, (a seemingly, looming, mature age...) my life has been really full.

I followed the Father to China, where I've traveled places I only dreamed about, met life-changing kindred spirits, and fell in love with my G-d again. I've been to college, something I take for granted, and been a part of a community that was full of servant hearts. I have had the love of my family, good friends, and good men. I've gone in and out of valleys in my spirit and climbed to the mountaintop. I've lived in the nation's capital, stood in the Supreme Court, and spoken with the President-elect of the United States. I've ridden elephants, drunk snake bile, and snorkeled in the crystal water of the gulf of Thailand. In one month I will be standing in the Louvre, looking with eyes of saucers at the greatest masterpieces the world has known. I have three homes, where I feel safe and hate leaving every time I move to the next. My life is an explosion of blessings.

Today, at 24, there are moments when I feel my age is a gross understatement. When I stand in the classroom, reprimanding a group of young adults and speaking with clear authority...when I listen to other women my age complain about clothing or immature men...or when I walk alone through a dark street in a foreign country...I feel like I have an old heart. And there are moments, when I'm giggling with the Chinese sisters over couple face...when I'm overly-excited about the next Harry Potter book...or when I get still get nervous talking to that special someone...I feel like my youth and inexperience radiates from my face.

Regardless of my "true age", today has found me with a smile on my face, surrounded by the people I love, not doing a thing that I do not want to do! (The only birthday wish I ever have) As the next year stretches before me, I have absolutely no idea what it holds. I have never had so many possibilities, or been so content with following any path. This year, I want to love better and deeper, with the abandonment and "idiocy" of Christ. I want to worry less about money, and more about the quality of the time I spend with those who need me. I want to be nicer to my mother, because everything that I am and want to be is because of her - I don't tell her that enough. I want to do crazy things for the sake of doing them, and learn when to close my mouth to truly listen. I have a good feeling about this...